At our Saturday night church service our pastor challenged us to think of the one sin that we struggle with the most. You know… that one sin that trips you up every time; over and over again. He challenged us to really choose the #1 and not take the easy way out by picking #2 or 3; only that #1 toughest.
Well, a word came to my mind instantly, but I wasn’t sure if it would qualify for what he was talking about. So, I tried to think of the other things that I struggle with, but this word kept making its way back in. Finally, the pastor listed off a huge list of sins and this word was right in the middle of his list… FEAR.
I struggle with fear on a daily basis. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of being hated. Fear of the money running out. Fear of not pleasing my husband. Fear of letting my daughters down. Fear of not being forgiven. Fear of not being enough. It goes on and on.
Well, the challenge was to write our #1 sin on a piece of paper that was provided and then to give it up; to give it to God and allow Him to work in it. I was challenged to actually commit as a public act to getting rid of this sin in my life and to develop the character that God wanted me to have.
And, as I thought about walking my paper with my #1 sin struggle up to the front and tossing it in the basket along with all the others, I started to struggle within. I so badly wanted to believe that I could give up living in constant fear, and yet I was somewhat reluctant to commit to this. What would it mean to take that step?
What would life look like if I really, purposefully, every day lived like I had given this up and defeated it (with God’s help) once and for all? What would it look like on a daily basis to decide not to allow fear to hold me back? What would I be able to accomplish if I really lived it all out for God and didn’t live in fear of acceptance of others, even my husband? What if I lived my life all out for God?
I was scared within. I was fearful. And, there it was. My fear was trying to keep me back from giving up living afraid. The un-comfortableness inside of me was a clear sign to me that I needed to take that step. I could not live addicted to fear any longer; so, I stood up and walked my fear up to the front of the church and tossed it away.
What does the week look like so far without fear? It looks like a daily dependence on God. It looks like trying to cling to verses like Matthew 6:34, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” It looks like sending out those emails to promote a business that I was scared to be starting with my husband. It looks like taking the step to return a phone call that put me outside of my comfort zone and I easily could have avoided.
Overall, life looks somewhat the same. But, inside of me I can feel something different, something exciting, and something wonderful… God working in me!
What is you #1 sin that trips you up every time? Are you willing to give it over to God and be done with it once and for all?