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How to Escape a Rut and How it Can Change Your Life

May 29, 2018 By Stephanie 2 Comments

29 May

Guest post from Christina Paruag of FemEvolve

In 2016, I found myself facing a terrifying discovery – I was in a rut, and there seemed to be no way out. I was off of university and couldn’t work due to severe health complications. These complications then seeped into my relationships, showing me who would stick around and who would leave. My relationship at the time was crumbling, my family had shifted, and I ended up moving between houses four times in the year that followed. It felt like an actual nightmare where I woke up one morning and everything in my life changed. In reality, these changes were occurring for months, I just wasn’t aware. The toughest part about this is that I was just at the beginning of launching my business – a women’s health and wellness magazine called FemEvolve that I started to help other women not have to face the same health struggles that I did for years.

These health complications were endometriosis, ruptured ovarian cysts and kidney infections. The endometriosis started when I was only 9 years old and became more apparent after my first period at age 12. By the time I hit university, my stress levels peaked, my diet wasn’t as healthy as I truly thought it was. I began feeling lost and confused as to why I was in such a significant amount of pain. My periods left me on the floor for days, vomiting and crying until the pain subsided.

Eventually I was staying in bed for three weeks at a time, following my courses using online handouts and struggling to keep up. My grades dropped, and I felt like a failure. I was always a high achieving student and had amazing grades, and suddenly everything changed. Once I got a bit better and started working full-time, the endometriosis made it impossible to keep up and I would frequently call in sick. On top of the pain that can be described as being worse than childbirth, I was having frequent migraines, colds, chronic fatigue and sciatica-related pains.

I slowly started integrating yoga and meditation into my life which helped but didn’t rid me of the pain. I also eliminated dairy and gluten from my diet, and I had a surgery which helped for about six months. Soon after, the pain came back, but I learned how to manage it to be able to go to school and work for those three painful weeks every month.

I eventually started doing pelvic floor physiotherapy and laser therapy which helped immensely. By the end of 2016, I was so caught up in taking care of my body that I neglected my relationships and didn’t see how everything was unfolding. Two of my aunts passed away within just weeks of each other at this time, which left me feeling very emotional, and both sides of my family were affected. I also got diagnosed with a kidney infection – one that turned into about four infections, one near death experience and a continuous cycle of doctors proclaiming, “This looks like an infection, you have all the symptoms, but the tests show nothing.” I took 10 rounds of antibiotics, damaging my liver and my immune system, only to find out later on that the last few infections weren’t truly infections, but rather scar tissue from the endometriosis affecting my bladder. I almost lost my left kidney due to this.

I woke up one morning in tears, thinking about how disappointed I was with how my life was going, and I thought about how I could change it. When I was in the hospital, I made a list of everything I wanted to improve on. I wanted to learn as much about business as I could, do some sort of personal development each day such as reading or listening to a podcast, keep up with learning languages (at the time it was French), go back to singing which I had enjoyed for years, maintain my diet and get back into the gym without injuring myself.

That morning when I woke up, I remembered that list and pulled it up on my phone and started doing everything I had listed. I developed a morning routine – early morning yoga and meditation, followed by a 30 min run/jog with my puppy at the time. I had moved to a new place, so I wasn’t as concerned about anyone judging me based on how I was running. I then ate breakfast while listening to a podcast. The rest of the day, I immersed myself in business resources, I read personal development books, language books and I started looking into networking opportunities.

This one-day practice led to a continuous routine that I would keep and only alter the time of day depending on my schedule for that particular day. I was amazed at what happened next. My network expanded, and I met tons of like-minded men and women who loved my business idea and were there for support and collaborations.

I felt healthier than ever and met a nutritionist who helped me (and still does) with balancing my hormones through diet. I was able to return to school in January 2017 and I can gratefully say I’ll be graduating in just a few weeks. I started working a full-time job, sometimes 60+ hours a week and I managed the endometriosis and my pain.

Now I’m working a different job part-time, while focusing on my business the rest of the time. I also enrolled in singing classes and had the chance to sing on a stage after years just a few months ago. I was introduced to the world of public speaking and I’m now starting to share my story with more people as well as educate them about the importance of managing stress.

Being in a rut was one of the best things that ever happened to me, because I made the conscious decision to learn from it and pushed myself to grow, even if it felt uncomfortable. I’m really proud of how far I’ve come from that lost and uncertain woman that I was not too long ago. I feel strong, confident and motivated to be the best version of myself, and to help others do the same. You can do it too, and I want to share a few simple steps to do that.

1. Recognize where you are

Take some quiet time to sit and reflect on where you are in your life. Are you happy with your health? Your finances? Your friendships and relationship? What do you want to change? Who can help you in changing these things? By identifying these areas of your life and how you feel emotionally about each one, you can start to develop a plan to move you from where you are, to where you want to be.

2. Build your toolkit of resources

Just as I had used resources for personal development, you may need to do the same to get that push to keep going. Find books that resonate with you. Some of my current favourites are the 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins and You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero. Also look for online resources like podcasts and YouTube videos. I loved watching Ellen DeGeneres, which made me laugh a lot, and I listened to Tony Robbins, to remind me that I have it in me to keep going, no matter what life throws my way.

3. Ask for help

Change is something that will require external help, you can’t do it all on your own. Look for those in different industries that can help you. Maybe it’s a business mentor, a life coach, a therapist or a nutritionist.

4. Getting out of a rut isn’t an overnight process

In my case, I didn’t wake up one morning and everything changed. It took months, and lots of dedication and hard work. Don’t be hard on yourself if you forget to keep up a part of your routine or you feel down on a certain day. Just make the decision to keep going. Making small steps toward a goal will fuel you to keep going.

Now that you have some steps in place, make your list of the habits you would like to keep up, and do your best to stick to them. I promise that with consistent effort, you can and will get out of a rut, and live your life to the fullest.

 

About Christina

Christina Paruag is the CEO/Founder and Editor-in-Chief of FemEvolve. She’s currently also a breast cancer researcher at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre in Toronto, Canada. Christina is an advocate for women’s health which shines through in FemEvolve, a publication she launched in January 2018 that focuses on discussing women’s health and wellness from a scientific standpoint and living a balanced-life overall. This digital and print magazine opens up the dialogue about taboo topics and self-love to help women feel more confident in their inner and outer beauty and abilities.

Filed Under: Personal Growth, Share Your Story

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Rob Campbell says

    July 18, 2018 at 8:33 pm

    Good writing. that was inspirational

    Reply
  2. John Gatesby says

    July 22, 2020 at 9:30 am

    When I started reading your article, I felt bad and sorry for you but as I progressed that empathy turned into admiration and in the end, I was filled with optimism and happiness.

    You really took the bull by the horns and emerged a clear winner! Kudos!

    Reply

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Stuck in Your Rut


I believe it’s important to reflect on and learn
I believe it’s important to reflect on and learn from each year that we face. I also believe it’s important to set goals (I’ll talk more about that in a later post). But more than anything, I believe it’s important to be aware of the mindset that you have as you work through those processes.  
  
When you reflect from a place of fear and anxiety, you will remember and focus on the negative things that happened. It becomes difficult to see the good.  
  
When you only reflect on the good things, you miss important lessons that you should be learning about yourself and those around you.  
  
So, I challenge you, as you work through reflecting on 2020 and planning for 2021, make sure you’re in the right mindset. Don’t get stuck focusing on the bad, even if you have to work extra hard to find the good. I promise you that you’ll find it if you look hard enough.  
  
What were your defining moments of the year? Feel free to share in the comments. If you want to hear a little of my reflection and the difference on focusing on the good vs the bad, check out my latest blog post.  
  
#planningfor2021 #reflection #goalsetting #blogger

It hit me this afternoon. That feeling of being un
It hit me this afternoon. That feeling of being unstoppable. Let me transparent: My house is a mess, the dishes are piled up, I'm a little behind on some of my work, I'm wearing the same yoga pants that I had on yesterday and I'm not really sure what the future looks like. But I can feel it anyway—empowerment.  
  
Let me be clear on what I'm NOT talking about. I'm not talking about the abundance mindset. I'm not talking about believing my dreams into reality. To be honest, I don't buy into all that mumble jumble.  
  
What I do buy into is hard work. And confidence. And taking chances. I buy into and believe in the power of action.  
  
Somedays, like today, I get this super empowered feeling. I feel confidence sweep over me until it feels like my chest is just going to burst with excitement. That's something I probably wouldn't share with you on some days because I'd be too self-conscious to admit it to the world.  
  
But on days like today, where my confidence is rocking, I don't mind saying it. Because on days like today, I'm not worried about what everyone else will think as they read it.  
  
What I'm more concerned about is the fact that there are millions of women that don't allow themselves to experience this feeling. I'm worried about the fact that there are women who feel day in and day out like they aren't enough. Or that they can't make a difference in their own life. Or that all of the good things out there are for someone else and not for them.  
  
That's what I'm worried about today. Because I want you to have this feeling of intense determination that you can live the life you want to live. That you can be bold and confident, even if it's in a quiet and behind-the-scenes type of way.  
  
The world is a crazy mess right now. But you don't have to be. You don't have to buy into all that stress and drama. You don't have to live the way the media makes you think you do. You are powerful. You are capable. And you can be unstoppable.  
  
"For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline." - 2 Timothy 1:7  
 
#motivationforwomen #womeninspiringwomen #unstoppable #youcandoit #womenempowerment

Some days there's this mean girl that says all kin
Some days there's this mean girl that says all kinds of bad things about me. She works hard to tell me that I can't accomplish the things that I want to do. She reminds me of all my mistakes and how I don't measure up. She calls me names and points out all my imperfections. 
 
She's simply awful. 
 
She is my worst enemy on a lot of days. 
 
She's also me. It's my voice doing the talking. 
 
Self-talk is so important in life. You can have the best situation, be the most talented person, and have such a passion to do things but then that voice in your head jumps in and shuts it all down. 
 
Years ago, I started to really pay attention to the way that I thought. It was ridiculous. It didn't take long to realize that my poor thought life was taking me down a road that I didn't want to travel. But by not keeping my self-talk in check, I was going that direction any way. 
 
Your thoughts matter. What you allow yourself to think will be part of shaping how you feel and what you believe is possible. If you're always thinking bad things about yourself, or telling yourself that you "can't", then you won't. 
 
Your thoughts matter. Take control of your thoughts and you can take control of your life. 
 
That sounds simple enough, but controlling your thoughts is incredibly difficult, especially when you're just getting started. You'll spend the entire day engaged in a battle in your mind that others can't see. You'll collapse into bed at night because you are mentally exhausted from the battle for your mind. It's tiring work, but it's important. And just like with any change, if you stick with it, it will start to get easier over time. You'll have to fight less. 
 
One thing you can do to make it easier is to have a few positive things to shift your attention to when you catch yourself thinking negatively. I like to use Bible verses that remind me of who God says I am and what He says I'm capable of. 
 
Do you struggle with negative self talk? 
 
 
#motivationforwomen #selftalk #selftalkmatters #changeyourthoughtschangeyourlife #encouragementforwomen #encouragementformoms

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Fall has always been my favorite season. I love the colors on the trees, trips to the apple cider for homemade doughnuts, and the crisp air in the morning. 
 
Beautiful, sunny, fall days are some of my favorite days. 
 
But when October hits, it can steal some of my enjoyment of the season. You see, October brings about the beginning of the 4th quarter of the year. It's a time to reflect on what I've accomplished—or didn't accomplish— during the first 3 quarters. 
 
And it's a time to force myself to get realistic about what I can actually accomplish before the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve. Most years, I'm not where I want to be for hitting the final quarter of the year. 
 
But this year, I'm excited for the final sprint of the year. I'm excited to see what I can accomplish in a year that was full of so many challenges and difficult times. 
 
And it's not that I've done anything amazing this year compared to other years. It's just that I'm changing my focus and perspective. 
 
What areas of your life do you need to change your focus on in order to reclaim some of the joy in your life? 
 
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It's not just you. 
 
I'm hearing this from friends and family. I'm seeing it with my clients and picking up on it from social media posts. 
 
Don't feel like you're alone. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It just means you are a human living through what's likely one of the most challenging years that you've had. 
 
2020 just seems to pile it on and many of us were already stressed in 2019 and before. 
 
Take a deep breath.  Cry if you need to. Then spend a few minutes doing something you enjoy that recharges you. Pray. Laugh.  Rest. 
 
It will be OK, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. 
 
 

#encouragementfortheday #stress #encouragementforwomen #selfcare #

I keep this quote in my weekly @asana planner. Par
I keep this quote in my weekly @asana planner. Part of my morning routine is to read this before I jump into my work day. It's so true! 
 
If you're waiting for someone else to give you the motivation you need to get things done, it's never going to happen. You need to learn how to motivate yourself. 
 
Accountability is good. Working with a coach can be helpful. But you can't help people that are unwilling to help themselves. 
 
You can read ALL the personal development books or business books in the world, but if you aren't willing to start taking action and responsibility for your life, it won't make a difference. 
 
You can have access to the best tools and the latest technology, but if you don't use them, it won't matter. 
 
You can be the most talented person in your industry, but if you can't get yourself motivated to take action, your skill will only get you so far. 
 
One way to start motivating yourself is to focus on your "why". Why do you want to make the changes in your life? Why do you want to accomplish the goals that you have set? Why is worth spending your time on? 
 
Once you know your answer, make it something you focus on regularly. Use it kick your motivation into gear. 
 
#motivation #motivationquotes #takeaction #inspiration #yougotthisgirl #setgoals #keepgoing


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I believe it’s important to reflect on and learn I believe it’s important to reflect on and learn from each year that we face. I also believe it’s important to set goals (I’ll talk more about that in a later post). But more than anything, I believe it’s important to be aware of the mindset that you have as you work through those processes.  
  
When you reflect from a place of fear and anxiety, you will remember and focus on the negative things that happened. It becomes difficult to see the good.  
  
When you only reflect on the good things, you miss important lessons that you should be learning about yourself and those around you.  
  
So, I challenge you, as you work through reflecting on 2020 and planning for 2021, make sure you’re in the right mindset. Don’t get stuck focusing on the bad, even if you have to work extra hard to find the good. I promise you that you’ll find it if you look hard enough.  
  
What were your defining moments of the year? Feel free to share in the comments. If you want to hear a little of my reflection and the difference on focusing on the good vs the bad, check out my latest blog post.  
  
#planningfor2021 #reflection #goalsetting #blogger
It hit me this afternoon. That feeling of being un It hit me this afternoon. That feeling of being unstoppable. Let me transparent: My house is a mess, the dishes are piled up, I'm a little behind on some of my work, I'm wearing the same yoga pants that I had on yesterday and I'm not really sure what the future looks like. But I can feel it anyway—empowerment.  
  
Let me be clear on what I'm NOT talking about. I'm not talking about the abundance mindset. I'm not talking about believing my dreams into reality. To be honest, I don't buy into all that mumble jumble.  
  
What I do buy into is hard work. And confidence. And taking chances. I buy into and believe in the power of action.  
  
Somedays, like today, I get this super empowered feeling. I feel confidence sweep over me until it feels like my chest is just going to burst with excitement. That's something I probably wouldn't share with you on some days because I'd be too self-conscious to admit it to the world.  
  
But on days like today, where my confidence is rocking, I don't mind saying it. Because on days like today, I'm not worried about what everyone else will think as they read it.  
  
What I'm more concerned about is the fact that there are millions of women that don't allow themselves to experience this feeling. I'm worried about the fact that there are women who feel day in and day out like they aren't enough. Or that they can't make a difference in their own life. Or that all of the good things out there are for someone else and not for them.  
  
That's what I'm worried about today. Because I want you to have this feeling of intense determination that you can live the life you want to live. That you can be bold and confident, even if it's in a quiet and behind-the-scenes type of way.  
  
The world is a crazy mess right now. But you don't have to be. You don't have to buy into all that stress and drama. You don't have to live the way the media makes you think you do. You are powerful. You are capable. And you can be unstoppable.  
  
"For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline." - 2 Timothy 1:7  
 
#motivationforwomen #womeninspiringwomen #unstoppable #youcandoit #womenempowerment
Some days there's this mean girl that says all kin Some days there's this mean girl that says all kinds of bad things about me. She works hard to tell me that I can't accomplish the things that I want to do. She reminds me of all my mistakes and how I don't measure up. She calls me names and points out all my imperfections. 
 
She's simply awful. 
 
She is my worst enemy on a lot of days. 
 
She's also me. It's my voice doing the talking. 
 
Self-talk is so important in life. You can have the best situation, be the most talented person, and have such a passion to do things but then that voice in your head jumps in and shuts it all down. 
 
Years ago, I started to really pay attention to the way that I thought. It was ridiculous. It didn't take long to realize that my poor thought life was taking me down a road that I didn't want to travel. But by not keeping my self-talk in check, I was going that direction any way. 
 
Your thoughts matter. What you allow yourself to think will be part of shaping how you feel and what you believe is possible. If you're always thinking bad things about yourself, or telling yourself that you "can't", then you won't. 
 
Your thoughts matter. Take control of your thoughts and you can take control of your life. 
 
That sounds simple enough, but controlling your thoughts is incredibly difficult, especially when you're just getting started. You'll spend the entire day engaged in a battle in your mind that others can't see. You'll collapse into bed at night because you are mentally exhausted from the battle for your mind. It's tiring work, but it's important. And just like with any change, if you stick with it, it will start to get easier over time. You'll have to fight less. 
 
One thing you can do to make it easier is to have a few positive things to shift your attention to when you catch yourself thinking negatively. I like to use Bible verses that remind me of who God says I am and what He says I'm capable of. 
 
Do you struggle with negative self talk? 
 
 
#motivationforwomen #selftalk #selftalkmatters #changeyourthoughtschangeyourlife #encouragementforwomen #encouragementformoms
Fall has always been my favorite season. I love th Fall has always been my favorite season. I love the colors on the trees, trips to the apple cider for homemade doughnuts, and the crisp air in the morning. 
 
Beautiful, sunny, fall days are some of my favorite days. 
 
But when October hits, it can steal some of my enjoyment of the season. You see, October brings about the beginning of the 4th quarter of the year. It's a time to reflect on what I've accomplished—or didn't accomplish— during the first 3 quarters. 
 
And it's a time to force myself to get realistic about what I can actually accomplish before the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve. Most years, I'm not where I want to be for hitting the final quarter of the year. 
 
But this year, I'm excited for the final sprint of the year. I'm excited to see what I can accomplish in a year that was full of so many challenges and difficult times. 
 
And it's not that I've done anything amazing this year compared to other years. It's just that I'm changing my focus and perspective. 
 
What areas of your life do you need to change your focus on in order to reclaim some of the joy in your life? 
 
#choosehappiness #changeyourperspective #4thquarter #October #femaleentrepreneur #finishstrong
Are you stressed? Do you have days where you feel Are you stressed? Do you have days where you feel like this year is too much to handle? Are you trying to figure out what's wrong with you and why you just can't focus on what you need to? 
 
It's not just you. 
 
I'm hearing this from friends and family. I'm seeing it with my clients and picking up on it from social media posts. 
 
Don't feel like you're alone. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It just means you are a human living through what's likely one of the most challenging years that you've had. 
 
2020 just seems to pile it on and many of us were already stressed in 2019 and before. 
 
Take a deep breath.  Cry if you need to. Then spend a few minutes doing something you enjoy that recharges you. Pray. Laugh.  Rest. 
 
It will be OK, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. 
 
 

#encouragementfortheday #stress #encouragementforwomen #selfcare #
I keep this quote in my weekly @asana planner. Par I keep this quote in my weekly @asana planner. Part of my morning routine is to read this before I jump into my work day. It's so true! 
 
If you're waiting for someone else to give you the motivation you need to get things done, it's never going to happen. You need to learn how to motivate yourself. 
 
Accountability is good. Working with a coach can be helpful. But you can't help people that are unwilling to help themselves. 
 
You can read ALL the personal development books or business books in the world, but if you aren't willing to start taking action and responsibility for your life, it won't make a difference. 
 
You can have access to the best tools and the latest technology, but if you don't use them, it won't matter. 
 
You can be the most talented person in your industry, but if you can't get yourself motivated to take action, your skill will only get you so far. 
 
One way to start motivating yourself is to focus on your "why". Why do you want to make the changes in your life? Why do you want to accomplish the goals that you have set? Why is worth spending your time on? 
 
Once you know your answer, make it something you focus on regularly. Use it kick your motivation into gear. 
 
#motivation #motivationquotes #takeaction #inspiration #yougotthisgirl #setgoals #keepgoing
#comfortzone #getoutofyourcomfortzone #encouragem #comfortzone #getoutofyourcomfortzone  #encouragement #stuckinyourrut
Being comfortable can feel so good. But staying in Being comfortable can feel so good. But staying in your comfort zone can hold you back in a lot of ways in life. Stepping out might not feel good in the moment, but it's SO worth it in the end. 
 
What's one thing  you are going to do to step out of your comfort zone this week?  
 
#motivation #inspiration #takeaction #comfortzone

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