I just need to vent for a minute… don’t you just love unsolicited advice? Especially about parenting?
My husband and I have run into a little problem with my 5 year old at the end of the school year, she hates it. She has always been a more sensitive child and we have had so many struggles because of this. Everything from what kinds of clothes she will wear, blankets she can sleeps with, weather she will be in, temperature of the water for baths, the list goes on and on.
Well, her new thing is a huge hatred for school. She loved school at the beginning of the year. She was so excited to go. She had fun every day. She would tell us all about it and then she started to not like it as much. I found out she felt like she got in trouble for something she didn’t do and after that she was not a fan of the teacher.
We also had a small issue where she thought she was locked in the bathroom and that scared her and now she doesn’t use the restroom at school.
We have made it almost all the way through the school year, but about a month ago it started. Crying in the morning while getting ready, crying on the way to school, and crying as she walks into the classroom (or as I place her into the classroom because she will not willingly walk in the door).
I have talked with the teacher multiple times about it. We have tried being stern, being loving, bribing her, the teacher has tried bribing her and in the end it doesn’t work. She doesn’t want to go. When we pick her up she never has a good day (except the two days a few weeks ago when they had a guest teacher), so we are stuck just pushing through the last few weeks.
Today I got some unsolicited advice from “that mom”. We all know who she is. The one that has older children (let us not forget that I have an older child too) and she helps in the classroom every chance she can.**edited some information out that I just felt like I shouldn’t have added in (in my anger)** She is the type of person that loves to use the phrase “I don’t have a filter” (not an excuse in my book, get one, because I don’t want to hear every thought that is in your head).
Well, today she zoned in on my daughter running out of the classroom as I was hanging up her backpack. I brought her back in the room, passed her to the teacher, walked in the hall and shut the door. Then “that mom” appeared, oh goodie. She let me know it wasn’t the teacher that was the problem. She let me know my daughter was getting hugged by the teacher at that very moment (which must mean my daughter likes her) and that she is just doing it to get attention. And, when her sons did that she just pushed them away and told them to stop.
Oh thank you other mom! Why don’t you come to my house at 6:30 every morning when my daughter wakes up in a panic because she doesn’t want to go to school. Maybe you would make a world of difference helping her through each step of getting dressed, eating breakfast, brushing her teeth, getting her school stuff ready, hearing the bathroom door shut over and over while she tries to go potty so she doesn’t have to go at school, and praying on the way to school while she cries.
Or maybe, just maybe, you should keep your thoughts and advice to yourself since you don’t know me, you don’t know my daughter, and I didn’t ask you for advice in the first place. I would love to give her a piece of my mind about her advice and her parenting style, since every morning I am on the verge of my breaking point by the time we find a spot in the parking lot. But, then I remember “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29) and “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.” (Proverbs 21:23.
Honestly, what would I accomplish by letting this woman know what she could do with her advice? I would get angry, raise my blood pressure, shoot my mouth off (because once I get going I don’t stay in control of it), be a poor example of a Godly woman, most likely encourage her to get angry and respond to me. There just wasn’t really any positive thing that would come from it. So, I held my tongue, gave a polite response, and hurried my way down the hall and out the door to my car.
Ahhh, feels great to get it out! Here are some recommendations I use when dealing with unsolicited advice:
- Make sure you are not doing things to encourage it. Some people love to involve themselves in your life and give advice about everything. These are people that I try to keep at somewhat of a distance. When you have people who drive you crazy doing this then you need to limit your time you are spending with them and you need to limit the information you are sharing with them. I have a family member that is like this so my husband and I are learning how to pick and choose what details we share with her; if we don’t want advice on it, we don’t share it until we are ready.
- Consider if the advice is helpful or not. Sometimes people have good advice even if I wasn’t asking for it. Sometimes there advice has saved me time and/or money. Sometimes when I am angry about unsolicited advice it is really my pride is hurting because someone is giving me good advice on how to do things a better way and I feel insecure about myself.
- Consider the source. Does the person you are talking to have experience or qualifications that might make their advice valuable or are they a “know-it-all” type person who is going to give advice regardless of their experiences?
- Don’t jump in to battle. Nothing good will ever come out of it. If you know their advice is wrong and there is a real reason to correct them, and then do it politely, but most of the time it isn’t even necessary.
How many of you have a piece of advice you would like to leave a comment on? 🙂 I am asking for it this time! How do you deal with unsolicited advice? Or how do you deal with little ones hating school?
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