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How to Reflect on 2020 with the Right Mindset

December 29, 2020 By Stephanie Leave a Comment

29 Dec

I’m sure this isn’t the first post you’ve read like this. It’s the popular time of year for people to start reviewing and reflecting on the events of the year in order to set goals for the new year. And with a year like 2020, there is a lot to reflect on and think about as we move forward.

I’ve heard so many people say that we shouldn’t be moving forward from this year like it never happened, and I completely agree with that belief.

However, 2020 may feel like a challenge to reflect on and remember. I’ve heard the year described in all kinds of different ways. One of my favorites is a “dumpster fire”. That felt pretty accurate at different moments throughout the year.

It’s safe to say that 2020 was not the year that anyone anticipated it to be. But the way that we choose to reflect on and remember this year is going to make a big difference in how we choose to move forward. Here’s my personal example.

My 2020 story

You’ll get a kick out of this. Here’s my Instagram picture and caption from January 1, 2020.

moving past 2020

It was a beautiful morning. My husband and I sat out at Apollo Beach in Florida which was about 10 minutes away from our house. We listened to the water gently lapping on the shore while we dreamed and planned for the year. It was a new year and a new decade and it was going to be amazing.

Well… y’all know what happened after that in the world, but here’s a little more of my own story.

2020 started with a bang

2020 started with bedbugs! That’s right. That’s something most people probably wouldn’t admit, but I’m too tired to care about your judgment right now.

In November, I kept noticing these bumps on my daughter. We went to the doctor twice—nothing. Had the pest control company out to the house—nothing. And then 2020 started and we found a dang little bedbug in the hallway, which ended up being an entire house infestation (and I still believe they must have been in the rental house when we moved in but that’s neither here nor there now).

I’m super cheap and didn’t want to spend the thousands of dollars that the pest control company wanted to handle it for us, so we tackled it on our own. Long story short… it was a nightmare. We spent money. We spent time. And we lived with many of our belongings in trash bags in the garage for months. Not fun, especially when you have three kids. But eventually, we won that battle.

But before it ended…

Coronavirus hit. My hypochondriac 13-year-old daughter caught whiff of the coronavirus story before I did. She was worried about it when it started showing up in January with reports from China. I assured her it wouldn’t be a big deal. Oops! Obviously, I was wrong.

We went into lockdown in March along with the rest of the world.

My husband’s uncle ended up hospitalized for almost 2 months with COVID including weeks on a ventilator before turning the corner, recovering, and being able to come home.

And while I could tell you a bunch of stories from that time in lockdown in a new state that we still weren’t that familiar with, I won’t. We all had our crazy COVID stories from 2020 and to be honest, I’m tired of talking about it and hearing about it.

And then we moved…

Because why wouldn’t we move out of state in the middle of a global pandemic? We had lived in Florida for 11 months before moving back to Kentucky, but it’s not like you think. We LOVED Florida and still do. But we felt the need to be closer to family during that time. We made it back in August which was just in time to be able to travel back to Michigan over the period of the next several months for important family events including my aunt’s funeral.

Moving is hard. Losing a family member is hard. 2020 was hard. And that’s an understatement.

There is just no denying it. This has been a rough year. And I’m one of the lucky ones. Yes, we experienced loss and disappointment and changed plans. But not like some people.

My 2020 story – revised

So, let me tell my 2020 story in a different way.

We started 2020 at the beach in a state that we had worked to move to for years. My husband had a good job and I was in the process of really starting to brand and grow my business. Things were going well.

In February, we got an awesome discount on tickets to Epcot from the homeschooling group that my daughters were a part of. It was freezing cold that day, but we had a blast and created amazing memories.

And speaking of the homeschool group, my daughters were getting to be part of some fun things because we were finally getting settled into our new home. One of them was learning guitar, another taking art lessons, and the youngest was loving being in gymnastics.

When the community shut down because of COVID, we reconnected with the church that we enjoyed attending in Kentucky by listening to sermons online. Throughout the year I got to have some incredible conversations with my oldest daughter and really saw a lot of positive growth in her life.

When people were missing connection, I started doing weekly Zoom calls with three friends that I’ve known since childhood. And, my family started doing weekly Zoom calls with my parents and sister’s family in Michigan. We played games and had baking competitions even though we lived states apart. We were connecting with people more in those few months than we had in quite a while.

While we loved living in Florida, we felt the need to be closer to family. We are blessed enough to have family that we enjoy being with and decided for the time being we wanted to live closer. I’m blessed to work for myself, and my husband previously owned a company in Kentucky, which made our move back a little easier. We even moved back into our old rental house, so we settled in quickly.

Our move to Kentucky enabled us to travel to Michigan several times. We attended my brother-in-law’s wedding, my cousin’s wedding, and Christmas with our families where we learned that we were expecting a new niece or nephew.

I had the most successful year in business that I’ve had so far. And I’m excited for 2021.

Look at the difference between the two stories

All of those things are true. All of those things made up my 2020, along with many other good and bad moments.

Look at the difference that our thoughts can have on us.

If I choose to focus on the first 2020 story and all of the things that went wrong in the year, I would be depressed. And I know that’s true because I went through stages of doing that this year. I got all caught up in following the news headlines. First, it was coronavirus. Next, it was the rioting. We had helicopters circling our neighborhood in Florida because of protesting and then moved to Louisville, KY right in time for the downtown area to be under curfew because of riots. And then we wrapped it up with ridiculous politics.

When I focused on all of that, I was overwhelmed, scared, fearful, and shut down. I wasn’t productive in any area of my life because fear and negativity were controlling me. My husband and daughters didn’t get the best of me. My clients didn’t get the best of me. No one did because you can’t offer your best self when you are living in fear, anxiety, and overwhelm.

But when I chose to focus on the good things, or to at least keep the bad things in perspective, it changed the narrative. I started to grow again and feel like myself again.

It’s all about what you choose to focus on

What about your 2020 story? I believe it’s important to reflect on and learn from each year that we face. I also believe it’s important to set goals (I’ll talk more about that in a later post). But more than anything, I believe it’s important to be aware of the mindset that you have as you work through those processes.

When you reflect from a place of fear and anxiety, you will remember and focus on the negative things that happened. It becomes difficult to see the good.

When you only reflect on the good things, you miss important lessons that you should be learning about yourself and those around you.

So, I challenge you, as you work through reflecting on 2020 and planning for 2021, make sure you’re in the right mindset. Don’t get stuck focusing on the bad, even if you have to work extra hard to find the good. I promise you that you’ll find it if you look hard enough.

What were your defining moments of the year? Feel free to share in the comments.

Filed Under: Personal Growth

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Stuck in Your Rut - Stephanie


Today has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very
Today has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. 

Some days are like that.

And sometimes those days are our fault.

My day was caused by a toxic client. As much as I would like to blame her, I take responsibility because I knew from the beginning that I never should have worked with her.

When we go down paths we shouldn't go down, we usually have painful consequences.

Several valuable lessons were learned today and I would like to share them so I don't have to relearn them again in the future and maybe I can spare you some future pain too.

1. Be careful when doing business with people whose values don't align with yours

2. When you feel you should get out of a situation, do not delay

3. Never do any type of work that leaves you feeling your values were compromised

4. Toxic people can play nice... for awhile... But their true colors will always show through in the end

5. Trust your instincts

6. When you turn a situation over to God, it doesn't mean the way out will be pain free

And finally remember, some days feel like terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days, but it doesn't have to stay like that.

Happy Friday!

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I've been pondering this a lot in the past week.

I do a lot of work in the mental health space. I believe in the benefits of therapy and medication as needed. 

But as I help people share this message that "therapy is for everyone," I'm starting to wonder if we are spreading the wrong message.

Yes therapy can be for everyone. And there are some people who absolutely need the support and guidance of mental health professionals. But does everyone actually need therapy to be mentally well? 

That seems to be the trend we have taken as society.

Therapy can play an important role in helping people heal and live healthy, but are we becoming too dependent on believing we ALL need therapy? Have we lost the ability to process through difficult situations on our own or with our own support system?

I'm not sure. I'm still pondering. But I would love to hear your thoughts.


We see what we look for.

In our first house, we h
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In our first house, we had beautiful sunrises and sunsets over farm fields. A few years ago we lived by the ocean where we saw stunning sunsets regularly over the water. 

Beautiful sunrises and sunsets is one the things I've missed since living in a neighborhood in a suburb of Louisville Kentucky. The trees around us block out most of these beautiful moments every morning and night.

I was up early this morning and decided to sit outside and enjoy the cooler air and I had the opportunity to watch an incredible sunrise from this small little section.

It reminded me that we often get what we look for in life. If you want to see all the bad, you will. If you look for the good, you can find it. And just because we don't see good things happening at every moment (like I don't usually see the sunrises) doesn't mean they aren't still happening all around us.

#thankfulgratefulblessed #tuesdaythoughts #beencouraged


Wow! So true.

I came across this incredible remi
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I came across this incredible reminder in an email today from @lysaterkeurst and @proverbs31ministires.

Yesterday was a rough day. I got myself into a difficult conversation with someone and ended up saying things that I regret out of my frustration.

Too many times in life I have allowed my emotions to get the best of me which never ends in me feeling better than I did in the beginning. Carefully planned words are ALWAYS better than speaking in the heat of the moment.

Sometimes we need to say difficult things to people, but we can choose to do it out of love instead of frustration and anger.

So, I cannot control the actions of others or many details of this specific situation, but I can control my words in the midst of it, and I can control how much power I allow the situation to have over my life.

Sharing in case my failure can help anyone else do better.

#workinprogress #stilllearning


The power of our minds and the way we choose to th
The power of our minds and the way we choose to think is amazing!

A couple weeks ago on vacation, we had the chance to hold a baby alligator. There were grown people on the boat who were terrified to sit next to a person holding the alligator. Then there were those, like Macy, who took advantage of a new opportunity and gave it a go.

If we really think about it, this is exactly what happens in life too. Some people are too afraid to take a risk and try something new when the opportunity comes and others are willing to give it a try. 

Some are afraid to let their friends and family try a new adventure because their own fear is so strong so they discourage them from doing the thing even if that person really wants to try it.

Our minds and our thoughts are so incredibly powerful but the good news is that we get to choose our thoughts and actions. A new situation may feel scary, but that doesn't mean you can't choose to move past that fear and try something new.

#tryingnewthings #overcomingfear #chooseyourthoughts

Have you ever thought about how a click of a camer
Have you ever thought about how a click of a camera button has the ability to capture a moment in time? Pretty amazing!

We always make a point to take pictures of the big moments or the things we do when we travel, like our day trip to Nashville yesterday.

But there are so many day-to-day moments that make my heart happy too, like seeing my daughters cooking dinner (which they choose to do a lot - blessed mom right here!) or when my husband is helping the girls build garden planters for our veggies. I need to make an effort to take pictures of these moments more so I can be reminded of these simple joys. The days seem long but the years are going fast!

What is something you see in day-to-day life that brings you joy?

Do you ever just wish you had a quiet moment alone
Do you ever just wish you had a quiet moment alone?

I loved this little bit of time I had on our Tennessee vacation, sitting on the porch swing listening to the rain.

I'm guilty of filling my day too full and trying to do too much and tiring myself out.

This morning I was reminded of Luke 5:7 "But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed."

It's important to be intentional about creating space to withdrawal and pray.

Some days it looks and sounds pretty. Most days, it's finding the one quiet place in my house. All that matters is that we do it.

How do you talk about and think about yourself?

Y
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Yesterday I had the pleasure of chatting with several different women. I'm getting ready to write website profiles for them and wanted to learn more about them.

I noticed something that got me thinking during one of the calls. 

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The woman gave me a long list of the people she didn't feel qualified to help. She shared her heart for people but would then explain the areas she felt she was lacking. 

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So, how do you think and talk about yourself? Do you focus on where you are lacking and where you don't feel "good enough" or qualified? Or, do you acknowledge your skills and strengths? 

We all have areas we can grow and improve but we are unproductive when those are the main areas we focus on.

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It made me really reflect on my actions, words, and behaviors to see if I was helping or hurting others. It made me think about what areas of my life I needed to walk in healing so I could help bring others along.

I also love the way this shifted from the negative to the positive. "Hurting people hurt people" can be used as an excuse if you've experienced pain in your life. "Healed people heal people" is so much more of a calling to rise up out of painful situations to make a positive difference. It gives your hurtful experiences and pain a new purpose. 

Just something to think about.

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On Thursday, I took my kids to the zoo for a few hours. We've had an exhausting couple of weeks. Things haven't gone as planned. Work has been hectic and I've been working long hours. We're in the middle of trying to make some big life decisions again (which seems to be the constant state of life).  
 
Can you relate?  
 
The zoo is one of our happy places, so we picked the warmest day of the week and took some time off to get outside and enjoy ourselves.  
 
Some of my favorite animals to watch at the zoo are the meerkats. 
 
If you ever watch a gang of meerkats, you'll probably notice that there is almost always one meerkat that is standing up checking the skies and looking around while the others are off doing their thing. Why? 
 
That meerkat is watching for danger. They are checking the skies and surrounding areas for predators. They remain alert in order to allow the others to find food and do what they need to do. 
 
On this trip, I could relate to that poor little meerkat standing up, not enjoying herself in order to try to protect her family—not realizing they are safe from predators. As a wife and mom, I think that instinct comes pretty naturally to us women. I've been so caught up lately in trying to figure out how to balance what the different members of my family need that it's been harder to enjoy the good things in each day.  
 
But I'm not a meerkat. There really aren't predators circling around me, trying to get my family. Yes, there are dangers in this world, but when that's all I focus on, that's all I see. I miss all of the good things that are taking place and the positive moments I could be enjoying. 
 
So, if you can relate to that little meerkat too, here's your reminder to take a break. Be present in the moment.

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Sometimes we feel stuck in life because of things that are within our control.

You can't control what others do to you... but you can control what you choose to do after that. If you're holding onto unforgiveness towards someone, it's going to seep into all areas of your life.

Being easily offended and staying offended and angry gives things outside of your control power over you, your day, and your attitude.

If you're tired of not making progress in life and often feel angry, I encourage you to look inward. Sometimes I'm caught off guard by the things I thought I had dealt with and moved on from that I didn't.

#movingforward #dontbeeasilyoffended #inspiration #armorofgodstudy

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#fallcolors🍁🍂 #louisvillezoo

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My dad has been an incredible example of just asking. He doesn't overthink asking questions to people and because of it, he learns all kinds of cool things. He doesn't worry about if the person says "no" or responds negatively. He doesn't let fear stop him. 

Over the years, my husband and I have learned to ask for things we want. We asked for work from a church without knowing if they would be interested. We asked to barter handyman services and home repair in exchange for lower rent. 

We've asked for some weird things that don't seem like they should have worked out, but they did. And we would have never had those opportunities if we hadn't been willing to ask for them.

Are there questions you've been avoiding asking out of fear?

This.

It's so easy to avoid growth and change bec
This.

It's so easy to avoid growth and change because it's uncomfortable and painful. But so many times the life we want is on the other side.

#motivation #thursdaythoughts #growthmindset #growingpains #pushpastthehardthings


What if you don't wait to get started until everyt
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I'm giving you a sneak peek into what my incredible workspace looks like today 😜 
 
Today I have a few calls so I'm working with my messy bed as my desk so I can have a quiet space. Sometimes I work from my kitchen counter. My family of 5 lives in a small rental house right now. I don't have any space for an office, but I'm running a growing business by working like this. 
 
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This quote rings so true to me. A little over 4 years ago, I had such little confidence. I let fear control so much of what I did.

I was working to grow my freelance business and almost skipped an opportunity to take on work because the potential client wanted to schedule a phone call instead of just working through emails and messages. I broke out in hives just having to talk on the phone.

I couldn't handle ordering a pizza because I was too nervous about not knowing what to say. I overthought everything.

Fear controlled what I did and didn't do. It caused me to struggle in my thoughts and postponed my ability to go after the things I really wanted to accomplish.

Learning to overcome my fears took a lot of time. But slowly, I started to make progress. They were little changes at a time. I didn't even notice the growth as it happened. 

But then one day, that same client pointed out to me how much more confidence I had. And then another client mentioned how much I had grown in my confidence and ability to share my thoughts and opinions.

It ended up impacting every area of my life. 

But don't get me wrong, some days are still a struggle. Sometimes I still get hives when I have to talk on the phone or do a zoom call with someone I don't know, but not every time.

If you struggle with fear and confidence, know that you can improve and grow in this area. It doesn't have to be how you remain for the rest of your life. And so much of what you want is on the other side of pushing past that fear.

#overcomefear #buildconfidence #personalgrowth #growthmindset #motivationalquotes

Isn't it so easy to be happy and positive when you
Isn't it so easy to be happy and positive when you're on vacation? This picture is from over the summer when we did a mini vacation. It's easy when you get out of the routines of everyday life to start to think outside of the box and see new opportunities. 
 
But then we get back home. Clients need my attention. The house needs to be cleaned and dinner needs to be cooked. The kids have activities. And before I know it, I've fallen right back into going through the motions instead of really living each day. 
 
Here's your reminder for the day. I know it's Monday and it's easy to drag through the day. But choose to get outside of your comfort zone. Choose to look at things in a new way. Choose to start building the life you want to live, even if it's one tiny decision at a time. 
 
#mondaymotivation

Don't wait for the fear to go away. It's not going
Don't wait for the fear to go away. It's not going to. Choose courage and push past it and just watch as your confidence starts to build.


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