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5 Books for When Your Marriage Sucks

August 27, 2015 By Stephanie Leave a Comment

27 Aug

If you are in an abusive marriage, this article does not apply. While some of these books might be helpful, it is important that you seek help in the right places and make sure that you and your children, if you have them, are safe. Focus on the Family has an article with advice for if you are in an abusive marriage.

Sometimes it just feels like marriage sucks. It might feel like your life didn’t end up the way you wanted it to. Maybe you screwed it up. Maybe your spouse screwed it up. In the end, it doesn’t really matter whose fault it is, you are unhappy. Maybe even thinking about calling it quits.

My marriage has been there more times and in more ways than I would ever have thought it would be. But, there is hope! I believe that any marriage can be saved, with God’s help, and if you are willing to do some work. The work might be making changes in yourself and asking forgiveness or it might be the hard work of granting forgiveness and letting go of bitterness. Chances are, it’s at least a little bit of both. Everyone has a different story, but most of the processes to fix it are pretty much the same.

While I was stuck in this stage of my marriage I read lots of books. It was my goal to read at least one chapter a day from a book that would help my marriage. Doing this really helped me to open my eyes and see things differently. Some of these books I have highlighted on the blog before, but they are just too good to not mention again.

1. The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman

This book had a huge impact on our marriage. It helps you learn some of the reasons why you might not feel loved. Shows you some of the ways your husband might be showing you love that you are missing. And, help you find out the right way to show love to your husband (hint: it isn’t the same for everyone). This was eye-opening in helping me recognize what my husband was looking for and how to communicate with him what I was looking for.

If everyone would follow the methods in this book the whole “falling out of love” concept would disappear.

2. Sheet Music by Kevin Leman

Let’s face it, sex is important, strike that, a crucial part of marriage. If you believe otherwise, there is a serious problem in your marriage and you just haven’t realized it yet. This book is very straightforward and addresses points for both the husband and wife, but I found it to be very beneficial to read the whole thing.

3. Becoming the Woman of His Dreams by Sharon Jaynes

This is my all-time favorite book to recommend to wives. It’s also the book that I give at bridal showers and weddings. This book teaches ways to improve your marriage, and the first lesson is learning that you can only focus on what you can do. Sharon Jaynes teaches about the different things that every man wants in his marriage and how it will also benefit you if you will be that woman for your man. I’m not really doing the book justice, so just trust me and give it a try.

It’s one of those books where you might want to throw it across the room at one minute, but you know that she’s actually speaking the truth.

4. Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

This book has some extreme opinions, but great ones. It is a tough read because it gives good lessons and isn’t written just to make you feel good. The book walks through the whole scenario, “what if God designed marriage to make you holy and not happy?” It gave me a whole new perspective on marriage.

5. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

I’ll be honest, I’m still reading this one, but loving it the whole time. It is taking me longer to get through because there are so many great learning points. Let’s face it, if we are being an effective person our marriage is going to benefit. If we are always playing catch-up in life and giving our spouse the place of controlling how we feel about life, we are going to be a hot mess all the time!

These are just 5 of my favorites. The one thing I stick to when looking for a book to help me through a rough time or point me in the right diretion, is making sure that it is a Christian based book. I’m not saying there aren’t great books out there that are not faith-based, but when I’m feeling down and in a tough place it’s better for me to protect what goes into my mind, and I have found this to be a great way to control it.

What are some books that have helped your marriage through the rough times?

Filed Under: Balancing Home Life Tagged With: marriage books

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Stuck in Your Rut


I believe it’s important to reflect on and learn
I believe it’s important to reflect on and learn from each year that we face. I also believe it’s important to set goals (I’ll talk more about that in a later post). But more than anything, I believe it’s important to be aware of the mindset that you have as you work through those processes.  
  
When you reflect from a place of fear and anxiety, you will remember and focus on the negative things that happened. It becomes difficult to see the good.  
  
When you only reflect on the good things, you miss important lessons that you should be learning about yourself and those around you.  
  
So, I challenge you, as you work through reflecting on 2020 and planning for 2021, make sure you’re in the right mindset. Don’t get stuck focusing on the bad, even if you have to work extra hard to find the good. I promise you that you’ll find it if you look hard enough.  
  
What were your defining moments of the year? Feel free to share in the comments. If you want to hear a little of my reflection and the difference on focusing on the good vs the bad, check out my latest blog post.  
  
#planningfor2021 #reflection #goalsetting #blogger

It hit me this afternoon. That feeling of being un
It hit me this afternoon. That feeling of being unstoppable. Let me transparent: My house is a mess, the dishes are piled up, I'm a little behind on some of my work, I'm wearing the same yoga pants that I had on yesterday and I'm not really sure what the future looks like. But I can feel it anyway—empowerment.  
  
Let me be clear on what I'm NOT talking about. I'm not talking about the abundance mindset. I'm not talking about believing my dreams into reality. To be honest, I don't buy into all that mumble jumble.  
  
What I do buy into is hard work. And confidence. And taking chances. I buy into and believe in the power of action.  
  
Somedays, like today, I get this super empowered feeling. I feel confidence sweep over me until it feels like my chest is just going to burst with excitement. That's something I probably wouldn't share with you on some days because I'd be too self-conscious to admit it to the world.  
  
But on days like today, where my confidence is rocking, I don't mind saying it. Because on days like today, I'm not worried about what everyone else will think as they read it.  
  
What I'm more concerned about is the fact that there are millions of women that don't allow themselves to experience this feeling. I'm worried about the fact that there are women who feel day in and day out like they aren't enough. Or that they can't make a difference in their own life. Or that all of the good things out there are for someone else and not for them.  
  
That's what I'm worried about today. Because I want you to have this feeling of intense determination that you can live the life you want to live. That you can be bold and confident, even if it's in a quiet and behind-the-scenes type of way.  
  
The world is a crazy mess right now. But you don't have to be. You don't have to buy into all that stress and drama. You don't have to live the way the media makes you think you do. You are powerful. You are capable. And you can be unstoppable.  
  
"For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline." - 2 Timothy 1:7  
 
#motivationforwomen #womeninspiringwomen #unstoppable #youcandoit #womenempowerment

Some days there's this mean girl that says all kin
Some days there's this mean girl that says all kinds of bad things about me. She works hard to tell me that I can't accomplish the things that I want to do. She reminds me of all my mistakes and how I don't measure up. She calls me names and points out all my imperfections. 
 
She's simply awful. 
 
She is my worst enemy on a lot of days. 
 
She's also me. It's my voice doing the talking. 
 
Self-talk is so important in life. You can have the best situation, be the most talented person, and have such a passion to do things but then that voice in your head jumps in and shuts it all down. 
 
Years ago, I started to really pay attention to the way that I thought. It was ridiculous. It didn't take long to realize that my poor thought life was taking me down a road that I didn't want to travel. But by not keeping my self-talk in check, I was going that direction any way. 
 
Your thoughts matter. What you allow yourself to think will be part of shaping how you feel and what you believe is possible. If you're always thinking bad things about yourself, or telling yourself that you "can't", then you won't. 
 
Your thoughts matter. Take control of your thoughts and you can take control of your life. 
 
That sounds simple enough, but controlling your thoughts is incredibly difficult, especially when you're just getting started. You'll spend the entire day engaged in a battle in your mind that others can't see. You'll collapse into bed at night because you are mentally exhausted from the battle for your mind. It's tiring work, but it's important. And just like with any change, if you stick with it, it will start to get easier over time. You'll have to fight less. 
 
One thing you can do to make it easier is to have a few positive things to shift your attention to when you catch yourself thinking negatively. I like to use Bible verses that remind me of who God says I am and what He says I'm capable of. 
 
Do you struggle with negative self talk? 
 
 
#motivationforwomen #selftalk #selftalkmatters #changeyourthoughtschangeyourlife #encouragementforwomen #encouragementformoms

Fall has always been my favorite season. I love th
Fall has always been my favorite season. I love the colors on the trees, trips to the apple cider for homemade doughnuts, and the crisp air in the morning. 
 
Beautiful, sunny, fall days are some of my favorite days. 
 
But when October hits, it can steal some of my enjoyment of the season. You see, October brings about the beginning of the 4th quarter of the year. It's a time to reflect on what I've accomplished—or didn't accomplish— during the first 3 quarters. 
 
And it's a time to force myself to get realistic about what I can actually accomplish before the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve. Most years, I'm not where I want to be for hitting the final quarter of the year. 
 
But this year, I'm excited for the final sprint of the year. I'm excited to see what I can accomplish in a year that was full of so many challenges and difficult times. 
 
And it's not that I've done anything amazing this year compared to other years. It's just that I'm changing my focus and perspective. 
 
What areas of your life do you need to change your focus on in order to reclaim some of the joy in your life? 
 
#choosehappiness #changeyourperspective #4thquarter #October #femaleentrepreneur #finishstrong

Are you stressed? Do you have days where you feel
Are you stressed? Do you have days where you feel like this year is too much to handle? Are you trying to figure out what's wrong with you and why you just can't focus on what you need to? 
 
It's not just you. 
 
I'm hearing this from friends and family. I'm seeing it with my clients and picking up on it from social media posts. 
 
Don't feel like you're alone. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It just means you are a human living through what's likely one of the most challenging years that you've had. 
 
2020 just seems to pile it on and many of us were already stressed in 2019 and before. 
 
Take a deep breath.  Cry if you need to. Then spend a few minutes doing something you enjoy that recharges you. Pray. Laugh.  Rest. 
 
It will be OK, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. 
 
 

#encouragementfortheday #stress #encouragementforwomen #selfcare #

I keep this quote in my weekly @asana planner. Par
I keep this quote in my weekly @asana planner. Part of my morning routine is to read this before I jump into my work day. It's so true! 
 
If you're waiting for someone else to give you the motivation you need to get things done, it's never going to happen. You need to learn how to motivate yourself. 
 
Accountability is good. Working with a coach can be helpful. But you can't help people that are unwilling to help themselves. 
 
You can read ALL the personal development books or business books in the world, but if you aren't willing to start taking action and responsibility for your life, it won't make a difference. 
 
You can have access to the best tools and the latest technology, but if you don't use them, it won't matter. 
 
You can be the most talented person in your industry, but if you can't get yourself motivated to take action, your skill will only get you so far. 
 
One way to start motivating yourself is to focus on your "why". Why do you want to make the changes in your life? Why do you want to accomplish the goals that you have set? Why is worth spending your time on? 
 
Once you know your answer, make it something you focus on regularly. Use it kick your motivation into gear. 
 
#motivation #motivationquotes #takeaction #inspiration #yougotthisgirl #setgoals #keepgoing


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I believe it’s important to reflect on and learn I believe it’s important to reflect on and learn from each year that we face. I also believe it’s important to set goals (I’ll talk more about that in a later post). But more than anything, I believe it’s important to be aware of the mindset that you have as you work through those processes.  
  
When you reflect from a place of fear and anxiety, you will remember and focus on the negative things that happened. It becomes difficult to see the good.  
  
When you only reflect on the good things, you miss important lessons that you should be learning about yourself and those around you.  
  
So, I challenge you, as you work through reflecting on 2020 and planning for 2021, make sure you’re in the right mindset. Don’t get stuck focusing on the bad, even if you have to work extra hard to find the good. I promise you that you’ll find it if you look hard enough.  
  
What were your defining moments of the year? Feel free to share in the comments. If you want to hear a little of my reflection and the difference on focusing on the good vs the bad, check out my latest blog post.  
  
#planningfor2021 #reflection #goalsetting #blogger
It hit me this afternoon. That feeling of being un It hit me this afternoon. That feeling of being unstoppable. Let me transparent: My house is a mess, the dishes are piled up, I'm a little behind on some of my work, I'm wearing the same yoga pants that I had on yesterday and I'm not really sure what the future looks like. But I can feel it anyway—empowerment.  
  
Let me be clear on what I'm NOT talking about. I'm not talking about the abundance mindset. I'm not talking about believing my dreams into reality. To be honest, I don't buy into all that mumble jumble.  
  
What I do buy into is hard work. And confidence. And taking chances. I buy into and believe in the power of action.  
  
Somedays, like today, I get this super empowered feeling. I feel confidence sweep over me until it feels like my chest is just going to burst with excitement. That's something I probably wouldn't share with you on some days because I'd be too self-conscious to admit it to the world.  
  
But on days like today, where my confidence is rocking, I don't mind saying it. Because on days like today, I'm not worried about what everyone else will think as they read it.  
  
What I'm more concerned about is the fact that there are millions of women that don't allow themselves to experience this feeling. I'm worried about the fact that there are women who feel day in and day out like they aren't enough. Or that they can't make a difference in their own life. Or that all of the good things out there are for someone else and not for them.  
  
That's what I'm worried about today. Because I want you to have this feeling of intense determination that you can live the life you want to live. That you can be bold and confident, even if it's in a quiet and behind-the-scenes type of way.  
  
The world is a crazy mess right now. But you don't have to be. You don't have to buy into all that stress and drama. You don't have to live the way the media makes you think you do. You are powerful. You are capable. And you can be unstoppable.  
  
"For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline." - 2 Timothy 1:7  
 
#motivationforwomen #womeninspiringwomen #unstoppable #youcandoit #womenempowerment
Some days there's this mean girl that says all kin Some days there's this mean girl that says all kinds of bad things about me. She works hard to tell me that I can't accomplish the things that I want to do. She reminds me of all my mistakes and how I don't measure up. She calls me names and points out all my imperfections. 
 
She's simply awful. 
 
She is my worst enemy on a lot of days. 
 
She's also me. It's my voice doing the talking. 
 
Self-talk is so important in life. You can have the best situation, be the most talented person, and have such a passion to do things but then that voice in your head jumps in and shuts it all down. 
 
Years ago, I started to really pay attention to the way that I thought. It was ridiculous. It didn't take long to realize that my poor thought life was taking me down a road that I didn't want to travel. But by not keeping my self-talk in check, I was going that direction any way. 
 
Your thoughts matter. What you allow yourself to think will be part of shaping how you feel and what you believe is possible. If you're always thinking bad things about yourself, or telling yourself that you "can't", then you won't. 
 
Your thoughts matter. Take control of your thoughts and you can take control of your life. 
 
That sounds simple enough, but controlling your thoughts is incredibly difficult, especially when you're just getting started. You'll spend the entire day engaged in a battle in your mind that others can't see. You'll collapse into bed at night because you are mentally exhausted from the battle for your mind. It's tiring work, but it's important. And just like with any change, if you stick with it, it will start to get easier over time. You'll have to fight less. 
 
One thing you can do to make it easier is to have a few positive things to shift your attention to when you catch yourself thinking negatively. I like to use Bible verses that remind me of who God says I am and what He says I'm capable of. 
 
Do you struggle with negative self talk? 
 
 
#motivationforwomen #selftalk #selftalkmatters #changeyourthoughtschangeyourlife #encouragementforwomen #encouragementformoms
Fall has always been my favorite season. I love th Fall has always been my favorite season. I love the colors on the trees, trips to the apple cider for homemade doughnuts, and the crisp air in the morning. 
 
Beautiful, sunny, fall days are some of my favorite days. 
 
But when October hits, it can steal some of my enjoyment of the season. You see, October brings about the beginning of the 4th quarter of the year. It's a time to reflect on what I've accomplished—or didn't accomplish— during the first 3 quarters. 
 
And it's a time to force myself to get realistic about what I can actually accomplish before the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve. Most years, I'm not where I want to be for hitting the final quarter of the year. 
 
But this year, I'm excited for the final sprint of the year. I'm excited to see what I can accomplish in a year that was full of so many challenges and difficult times. 
 
And it's not that I've done anything amazing this year compared to other years. It's just that I'm changing my focus and perspective. 
 
What areas of your life do you need to change your focus on in order to reclaim some of the joy in your life? 
 
#choosehappiness #changeyourperspective #4thquarter #October #femaleentrepreneur #finishstrong
Are you stressed? Do you have days where you feel Are you stressed? Do you have days where you feel like this year is too much to handle? Are you trying to figure out what's wrong with you and why you just can't focus on what you need to? 
 
It's not just you. 
 
I'm hearing this from friends and family. I'm seeing it with my clients and picking up on it from social media posts. 
 
Don't feel like you're alone. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It just means you are a human living through what's likely one of the most challenging years that you've had. 
 
2020 just seems to pile it on and many of us were already stressed in 2019 and before. 
 
Take a deep breath.  Cry if you need to. Then spend a few minutes doing something you enjoy that recharges you. Pray. Laugh.  Rest. 
 
It will be OK, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. 
 
 

#encouragementfortheday #stress #encouragementforwomen #selfcare #
I keep this quote in my weekly @asana planner. Par I keep this quote in my weekly @asana planner. Part of my morning routine is to read this before I jump into my work day. It's so true! 
 
If you're waiting for someone else to give you the motivation you need to get things done, it's never going to happen. You need to learn how to motivate yourself. 
 
Accountability is good. Working with a coach can be helpful. But you can't help people that are unwilling to help themselves. 
 
You can read ALL the personal development books or business books in the world, but if you aren't willing to start taking action and responsibility for your life, it won't make a difference. 
 
You can have access to the best tools and the latest technology, but if you don't use them, it won't matter. 
 
You can be the most talented person in your industry, but if you can't get yourself motivated to take action, your skill will only get you so far. 
 
One way to start motivating yourself is to focus on your "why". Why do you want to make the changes in your life? Why do you want to accomplish the goals that you have set? Why is worth spending your time on? 
 
Once you know your answer, make it something you focus on regularly. Use it kick your motivation into gear. 
 
#motivation #motivationquotes #takeaction #inspiration #yougotthisgirl #setgoals #keepgoing
#comfortzone #getoutofyourcomfortzone #encouragem #comfortzone #getoutofyourcomfortzone  #encouragement #stuckinyourrut
Being comfortable can feel so good. But staying in Being comfortable can feel so good. But staying in your comfort zone can hold you back in a lot of ways in life. Stepping out might not feel good in the moment, but it's SO worth it in the end. 
 
What's one thing  you are going to do to step out of your comfort zone this week?  
 
#motivation #inspiration #takeaction #comfortzone

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