Today as I was scrolling through Facebook (something I waste WAY too much time doing) I saw a post that caught my attention. A woman had posted “Anyone ever feel like they just don’t fit?”. What do you think the response was? Tons of women could identify with her. The comments were things like “all the time”, “YES!”, and “every day”. And, my heart broke. I can totally relate to this feeling and this is why Stuck in Your Rut is here.
I want each one of you reading this to know that you do fit and you do belong. That you aren’t alone in feeling alone. It isn’t something that just you are dealing with. Every day you pass women at the store, on the road, at work, at church, at your’s kid’s school, and anywhere else that you go, that feel the exact same way. Older women, younger women, stay-at-home moms, working moms, women of every ethnicity. We all struggle to feel like we belong or we fit in. Even the women that the rest of us think have it “all together” have days where they feel this way. We are all struggling to feel “good enough” and like we have a place. So, what are we supposed to do?
We must work to change our perspective
Throughout my life, the feeling that I was “not enough” and struggling with feeling like I didn’t quite fit got me into some of the worst places I have been in. Feeling this way tends to lead to one of a few outcomes: (1) we start to feel lonely and depressed (2) we wonder what is wrong with us as we compare ourselves to others (3) we start to make compromises and become people-pleasers, as we look for reassurance that we are in fact ok. None of these are good places to be in.
Last week I was reading the book Finding I AM by Lysa Terkeurst (that’s an affiliate link) and she talked about the “I’m not enough” issue in a way I had never heard before.
“Good enough” is a terrible statement. Nobody ever wants their friends to say, “Well, I mean, you’re good enough.” I would never want my boss or my family to just say, “You are good enough.” No child would ever want his or her parent to say, “You’re good enough.” Absolutely not.
God made us to be amazing people who learn and explore and create and give and delight and love. He made us full of potential and purpose. He made us to produce fruit. Good fruit. Fruit that brings glory to God, our vinedresser.
Never ever for one second did God look at us and say, “My goal for this one is to simply be good enough. Without Jesus we are selfish, self-focused, and all about our fruit bringing glory to ourselves. We work and strive and exhaust ourselves all for a pursuit that leaves us with a hallowed out feeling that there’s got to be more to life than chasing what we want, hoping to feel good enough.”
It’s as simple as changing our perspective.
Who wants to be just good enough
When you really stop to think about what it means to be “good enough” you would never want to be that. Truly deep inside we want to be AMAZING. We don’t want to be the bare minimum. We want to be the best. And, we weren’t designed to be “good enough”, we were designed for so much more.
We must celebrate our differences instead of making comparisons
It’s hard to appreciate what is good about yourself when you are comparing yourself to everyone else. There are a million reasons that I feel like I don’t fit or I’m not enough when I am looking at all the other women around me. They all seem to have incredible talents and abilities that I would never be as good at no matter how hard I try. But, that’s what makes this world amazing.
Here’s an example from my own life. I work with small business owners to create content (wording) for their websites and write posts for their blogs. I enjoy doing it because I have always loved to write. Well, last fall I started working with a woman that has medaled in the summer and winter Olympics. Talk about intimidating. I had to have a video call with her before we got started and I was terrified! This is a woman that has accomplished something that only a handful of people have ever done before in all of history. But, the intimidation left after talking with her several times. I was able to see that she has some incredible skills and talents, but she is working with me because she sees a value in what I am doing that she either can’t do or doesn’t want to spend her time doing.
When we compare ourselves to others we end up trying to knock others down to feel better about ourselves or just plain feeling bad about ourselves. Instead, we need to celebrate all the different ways God designed us. We all have different gifts and abilities. Don’t let yourself feel bad because you don’t have the same strengths as someone else. Look for the strengths that you have and don’t be afraid to acknowledge them to yourself.
We must find opportunities to connect with other women
When you feel like you don’t fit and you aren’t enough the last thing you want to do is to spend time with other people, but that’s exactly what you need to do. Here’s why:
- The more time you spend with other women, actually being real with other women and allowing them to be real with you, you will realize that every single woman feels like you do at one point or another. Even that women that you think has a perfect life and has everything together. We all deal with anxiety, a messy house, kids that don’t always listen, problem bosses, and feeling like we just don’t measure up.
- When you form friendships with other women you will start to see that you have a place and people to turn to for support when you feel like you just don’t fit.
- Others will often see the strengths that you have before you do when you are feeling bad.
The key is making sure that you form relationships where you can be authentic. If you put up a false front you will not gain or contribute to the relationship the way you should be able to.
You are not alone
So, if you feel like you are alone, like you don’t know where you fit with others, or like you just aren’t enough, know this—you are not really alone. In fact, most people are right where you are. If you will just be daring enough, to be honest with others about your struggles you will be comforted by their reassurance that they have been where you are. If you feel like this and don’t know who to talk to send me an email or message me on Facebook. I will assure you that I have been there too and you are not alone.