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Getting Married Young

July 9, 2015 By Stephanie 4 Comments

9 Jul

I got married when I was 19, my husband was 23. We had been together since before I was 15. We have now been married for almost 12 years. There have been some great times and some REALLY hard times. There have been times when we weren’t sure we were going to stay together, but through it all, we are still here and still working on it.

There are lots of people out there who say that you shouldn’t get married young. They seem to think that you need time to grow and mature and to “find yourself” before you should get married. I’m not one of those people. But, there are some things I would recommend from my experience if you are to get married young.

  • Be ok with being different. If you get married young most of your friends will be in a different stage of life than you for a while (especially if they go to school and you don’t). They will have homework and dates and get-togethers. You will have a job, bills, and responsibilities. We had our first baby when most of my friends were graduating from college and getting married. We had our second when they had their first. This will mean that sometimes you won’t have too many things in common, but that’s ok. You will stay close with the friends that are important and for the ones you drift away from, it’s probably for the best.
  • Know that the hard times are normal. I’m not saying that all of marriage is hard, but hard times do come for every couple (no matter the age). It’s easy when you are young to fall for the fairytale and think that marriage is supposed to be easy and perfect. When you start fighting with your husband or coming into hard times you might think you made a bad choice. You didn’t. Marriage is hard and you will have times in your marriage of disagreements and trials.
  • “Find Yourself” Together. That may sound kind of weird, but finding yourself when you are young and married is a cool thing that people don’t get to do when they get married several years later. Use the fact that you are young to grow up together. Work together to discover your strengths, weaknesses, and interests. Build each other up along the way.
  • Have an adventure! I wish I would have taken this advice. If my husband and I could go back in time we would get married and then travel the country together before we had bills and children. Use the time to have an adventure together. Try living a few different places to see what you really like. Don’t buy a house right away (we did that). Keep your expenses low, don’t go in debit, and go live life together.
  • Find a great mentor. In the book Titus it talks about older women mentoring younger women. When you get married find an older woman that you can relate to and take time to meet with her, take her advice, and learn from her. Realize that those who are older do know more than you and some day you will know more than the young people getting married. Years do bring lessons and maturity, allow yourself to learn from those that are ahead of you in life.

Read great book on marriage, take great advice, block out the naysayers (who cares what they say), and enjoy life with your spouse. The success of a marriage is not dependent on the age of those getting married; it is dependent on commitment and determination and forgiveness and a million other little qualities that you can have and develop at any age.

Filed Under: Balancing Home Life

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Diane says

    July 10, 2015 at 7:25 pm

    This was great! My husband and I got married when I was 19 and he was 22 and had been together since I was 16 and he was 19. Almost everyone we knew were pretty sure we wouldn’t work out and we went through some really REALLY rough years as well, especially in the very beginning. We had our first baby a month before I turned 21 and our second a month after I turned 22 (they are only 14 months apart!) and NO ONE our age was even married yet, let alone having any babies!
    It was lonely for a while but I did eventually make friends who were a little older than me who were in the same SEASON of life and could lend encouragement for parenting and being a Godly wife. I’m so thankful that God sent those people my way.
    So, yes, there are definite benefits to getting married young. I feel very much like I “grew up with” and “found myself with” my husband and I love that. I also love that I’m just now entering my 30s (in 2 months) and I already have 4 kids, 10 years of marriage under our belts, and TONS of marriage and family memories to reflect back on and we often reflect back on them to keep our marriage strong. I have zero regrets about how young we got married!

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      July 10, 2015 at 8:07 pm

      Thanks for your comment Diane! You’re right; it is so helpful when you make friends with the people who are in the same “season” of life, regardless of their age. My parents got married when my mom was 18 and my dad was 22 and I love that they were already getting to be empty nesters in their early and mid 40’s. I love having my kids little right now, but I am looking forward to getting to enjoy those years with my husband too!

      Reply
  2. Leslie says

    July 15, 2015 at 3:23 pm

    Thanks for sharing! I got married at 20. No regrets! It just keeps getting better going on 12 years later. When it’s a Christ-centered marriage, age doesn’t matter so much.

    Reply
    • Stephanie says

      July 18, 2015 at 10:56 am

      That is so true Leslie!

      Reply

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Stuck in Your Rut


I believe it’s important to reflect on and learn
I believe it’s important to reflect on and learn from each year that we face. I also believe it’s important to set goals (I’ll talk more about that in a later post). But more than anything, I believe it’s important to be aware of the mindset that you have as you work through those processes.  
  
When you reflect from a place of fear and anxiety, you will remember and focus on the negative things that happened. It becomes difficult to see the good.  
  
When you only reflect on the good things, you miss important lessons that you should be learning about yourself and those around you.  
  
So, I challenge you, as you work through reflecting on 2020 and planning for 2021, make sure you’re in the right mindset. Don’t get stuck focusing on the bad, even if you have to work extra hard to find the good. I promise you that you’ll find it if you look hard enough.  
  
What were your defining moments of the year? Feel free to share in the comments. If you want to hear a little of my reflection and the difference on focusing on the good vs the bad, check out my latest blog post.  
  
#planningfor2021 #reflection #goalsetting #blogger

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Let me be clear on what I'm NOT talking about. I'm not talking about the abundance mindset. I'm not talking about believing my dreams into reality. To be honest, I don't buy into all that mumble jumble.  
  
What I do buy into is hard work. And confidence. And taking chances. I buy into and believe in the power of action.  
  
Somedays, like today, I get this super empowered feeling. I feel confidence sweep over me until it feels like my chest is just going to burst with excitement. That's something I probably wouldn't share with you on some days because I'd be too self-conscious to admit it to the world.  
  
But on days like today, where my confidence is rocking, I don't mind saying it. Because on days like today, I'm not worried about what everyone else will think as they read it.  
  
What I'm more concerned about is the fact that there are millions of women that don't allow themselves to experience this feeling. I'm worried about the fact that there are women who feel day in and day out like they aren't enough. Or that they can't make a difference in their own life. Or that all of the good things out there are for someone else and not for them.  
  
That's what I'm worried about today. Because I want you to have this feeling of intense determination that you can live the life you want to live. That you can be bold and confident, even if it's in a quiet and behind-the-scenes type of way.  
  
The world is a crazy mess right now. But you don't have to be. You don't have to buy into all that stress and drama. You don't have to live the way the media makes you think you do. You are powerful. You are capable. And you can be unstoppable.  
  
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She's simply awful. 
 
She is my worst enemy on a lot of days. 
 
She's also me. It's my voice doing the talking. 
 
Self-talk is so important in life. You can have the best situation, be the most talented person, and have such a passion to do things but then that voice in your head jumps in and shuts it all down. 
 
Years ago, I started to really pay attention to the way that I thought. It was ridiculous. It didn't take long to realize that my poor thought life was taking me down a road that I didn't want to travel. But by not keeping my self-talk in check, I was going that direction any way. 
 
Your thoughts matter. What you allow yourself to think will be part of shaping how you feel and what you believe is possible. If you're always thinking bad things about yourself, or telling yourself that you "can't", then you won't. 
 
Your thoughts matter. Take control of your thoughts and you can take control of your life. 
 
That sounds simple enough, but controlling your thoughts is incredibly difficult, especially when you're just getting started. You'll spend the entire day engaged in a battle in your mind that others can't see. You'll collapse into bed at night because you are mentally exhausted from the battle for your mind. It's tiring work, but it's important. And just like with any change, if you stick with it, it will start to get easier over time. You'll have to fight less. 
 
One thing you can do to make it easier is to have a few positive things to shift your attention to when you catch yourself thinking negatively. I like to use Bible verses that remind me of who God says I am and what He says I'm capable of. 
 
Do you struggle with negative self talk? 
 
 
#motivationforwomen #selftalk #selftalkmatters #changeyourthoughtschangeyourlife #encouragementforwomen #encouragementformoms

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Beautiful, sunny, fall days are some of my favorite days. 
 
But when October hits, it can steal some of my enjoyment of the season. You see, October brings about the beginning of the 4th quarter of the year. It's a time to reflect on what I've accomplished—or didn't accomplish— during the first 3 quarters. 
 
And it's a time to force myself to get realistic about what I can actually accomplish before the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve. Most years, I'm not where I want to be for hitting the final quarter of the year. 
 
But this year, I'm excited for the final sprint of the year. I'm excited to see what I can accomplish in a year that was full of so many challenges and difficult times. 
 
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What areas of your life do you need to change your focus on in order to reclaim some of the joy in your life? 
 
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It's not just you. 
 
I'm hearing this from friends and family. I'm seeing it with my clients and picking up on it from social media posts. 
 
Don't feel like you're alone. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It just means you are a human living through what's likely one of the most challenging years that you've had. 
 
2020 just seems to pile it on and many of us were already stressed in 2019 and before. 
 
Take a deep breath.  Cry if you need to. Then spend a few minutes doing something you enjoy that recharges you. Pray. Laugh.  Rest. 
 
It will be OK, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. 
 
 

#encouragementfortheday #stress #encouragementforwomen #selfcare #

I keep this quote in my weekly @asana planner. Par
I keep this quote in my weekly @asana planner. Part of my morning routine is to read this before I jump into my work day. It's so true! 
 
If you're waiting for someone else to give you the motivation you need to get things done, it's never going to happen. You need to learn how to motivate yourself. 
 
Accountability is good. Working with a coach can be helpful. But you can't help people that are unwilling to help themselves. 
 
You can read ALL the personal development books or business books in the world, but if you aren't willing to start taking action and responsibility for your life, it won't make a difference. 
 
You can have access to the best tools and the latest technology, but if you don't use them, it won't matter. 
 
You can be the most talented person in your industry, but if you can't get yourself motivated to take action, your skill will only get you so far. 
 
One way to start motivating yourself is to focus on your "why". Why do you want to make the changes in your life? Why do you want to accomplish the goals that you have set? Why is worth spending your time on? 
 
Once you know your answer, make it something you focus on regularly. Use it kick your motivation into gear. 
 
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I believe it’s important to reflect on and learn I believe it’s important to reflect on and learn from each year that we face. I also believe it’s important to set goals (I’ll talk more about that in a later post). But more than anything, I believe it’s important to be aware of the mindset that you have as you work through those processes.  
  
When you reflect from a place of fear and anxiety, you will remember and focus on the negative things that happened. It becomes difficult to see the good.  
  
When you only reflect on the good things, you miss important lessons that you should be learning about yourself and those around you.  
  
So, I challenge you, as you work through reflecting on 2020 and planning for 2021, make sure you’re in the right mindset. Don’t get stuck focusing on the bad, even if you have to work extra hard to find the good. I promise you that you’ll find it if you look hard enough.  
  
What were your defining moments of the year? Feel free to share in the comments. If you want to hear a little of my reflection and the difference on focusing on the good vs the bad, check out my latest blog post.  
  
#planningfor2021 #reflection #goalsetting #blogger
It hit me this afternoon. That feeling of being un It hit me this afternoon. That feeling of being unstoppable. Let me transparent: My house is a mess, the dishes are piled up, I'm a little behind on some of my work, I'm wearing the same yoga pants that I had on yesterday and I'm not really sure what the future looks like. But I can feel it anyway—empowerment.  
  
Let me be clear on what I'm NOT talking about. I'm not talking about the abundance mindset. I'm not talking about believing my dreams into reality. To be honest, I don't buy into all that mumble jumble.  
  
What I do buy into is hard work. And confidence. And taking chances. I buy into and believe in the power of action.  
  
Somedays, like today, I get this super empowered feeling. I feel confidence sweep over me until it feels like my chest is just going to burst with excitement. That's something I probably wouldn't share with you on some days because I'd be too self-conscious to admit it to the world.  
  
But on days like today, where my confidence is rocking, I don't mind saying it. Because on days like today, I'm not worried about what everyone else will think as they read it.  
  
What I'm more concerned about is the fact that there are millions of women that don't allow themselves to experience this feeling. I'm worried about the fact that there are women who feel day in and day out like they aren't enough. Or that they can't make a difference in their own life. Or that all of the good things out there are for someone else and not for them.  
  
That's what I'm worried about today. Because I want you to have this feeling of intense determination that you can live the life you want to live. That you can be bold and confident, even if it's in a quiet and behind-the-scenes type of way.  
  
The world is a crazy mess right now. But you don't have to be. You don't have to buy into all that stress and drama. You don't have to live the way the media makes you think you do. You are powerful. You are capable. And you can be unstoppable.  
  
"For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline." - 2 Timothy 1:7  
 
#motivationforwomen #womeninspiringwomen #unstoppable #youcandoit #womenempowerment
Some days there's this mean girl that says all kin Some days there's this mean girl that says all kinds of bad things about me. She works hard to tell me that I can't accomplish the things that I want to do. She reminds me of all my mistakes and how I don't measure up. She calls me names and points out all my imperfections. 
 
She's simply awful. 
 
She is my worst enemy on a lot of days. 
 
She's also me. It's my voice doing the talking. 
 
Self-talk is so important in life. You can have the best situation, be the most talented person, and have such a passion to do things but then that voice in your head jumps in and shuts it all down. 
 
Years ago, I started to really pay attention to the way that I thought. It was ridiculous. It didn't take long to realize that my poor thought life was taking me down a road that I didn't want to travel. But by not keeping my self-talk in check, I was going that direction any way. 
 
Your thoughts matter. What you allow yourself to think will be part of shaping how you feel and what you believe is possible. If you're always thinking bad things about yourself, or telling yourself that you "can't", then you won't. 
 
Your thoughts matter. Take control of your thoughts and you can take control of your life. 
 
That sounds simple enough, but controlling your thoughts is incredibly difficult, especially when you're just getting started. You'll spend the entire day engaged in a battle in your mind that others can't see. You'll collapse into bed at night because you are mentally exhausted from the battle for your mind. It's tiring work, but it's important. And just like with any change, if you stick with it, it will start to get easier over time. You'll have to fight less. 
 
One thing you can do to make it easier is to have a few positive things to shift your attention to when you catch yourself thinking negatively. I like to use Bible verses that remind me of who God says I am and what He says I'm capable of. 
 
Do you struggle with negative self talk? 
 
 
#motivationforwomen #selftalk #selftalkmatters #changeyourthoughtschangeyourlife #encouragementforwomen #encouragementformoms
Fall has always been my favorite season. I love th Fall has always been my favorite season. I love the colors on the trees, trips to the apple cider for homemade doughnuts, and the crisp air in the morning. 
 
Beautiful, sunny, fall days are some of my favorite days. 
 
But when October hits, it can steal some of my enjoyment of the season. You see, October brings about the beginning of the 4th quarter of the year. It's a time to reflect on what I've accomplished—or didn't accomplish— during the first 3 quarters. 
 
And it's a time to force myself to get realistic about what I can actually accomplish before the clock strikes midnight on New Year's Eve. Most years, I'm not where I want to be for hitting the final quarter of the year. 
 
But this year, I'm excited for the final sprint of the year. I'm excited to see what I can accomplish in a year that was full of so many challenges and difficult times. 
 
And it's not that I've done anything amazing this year compared to other years. It's just that I'm changing my focus and perspective. 
 
What areas of your life do you need to change your focus on in order to reclaim some of the joy in your life? 
 
#choosehappiness #changeyourperspective #4thquarter #October #femaleentrepreneur #finishstrong
Are you stressed? Do you have days where you feel Are you stressed? Do you have days where you feel like this year is too much to handle? Are you trying to figure out what's wrong with you and why you just can't focus on what you need to? 
 
It's not just you. 
 
I'm hearing this from friends and family. I'm seeing it with my clients and picking up on it from social media posts. 
 
Don't feel like you're alone. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It just means you are a human living through what's likely one of the most challenging years that you've had. 
 
2020 just seems to pile it on and many of us were already stressed in 2019 and before. 
 
Take a deep breath.  Cry if you need to. Then spend a few minutes doing something you enjoy that recharges you. Pray. Laugh.  Rest. 
 
It will be OK, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. 
 
 

#encouragementfortheday #stress #encouragementforwomen #selfcare #
I keep this quote in my weekly @asana planner. Par I keep this quote in my weekly @asana planner. Part of my morning routine is to read this before I jump into my work day. It's so true! 
 
If you're waiting for someone else to give you the motivation you need to get things done, it's never going to happen. You need to learn how to motivate yourself. 
 
Accountability is good. Working with a coach can be helpful. But you can't help people that are unwilling to help themselves. 
 
You can read ALL the personal development books or business books in the world, but if you aren't willing to start taking action and responsibility for your life, it won't make a difference. 
 
You can have access to the best tools and the latest technology, but if you don't use them, it won't matter. 
 
You can be the most talented person in your industry, but if you can't get yourself motivated to take action, your skill will only get you so far. 
 
One way to start motivating yourself is to focus on your "why". Why do you want to make the changes in your life? Why do you want to accomplish the goals that you have set? Why is worth spending your time on? 
 
Once you know your answer, make it something you focus on regularly. Use it kick your motivation into gear. 
 
#motivation #motivationquotes #takeaction #inspiration #yougotthisgirl #setgoals #keepgoing
#comfortzone #getoutofyourcomfortzone #encouragem #comfortzone #getoutofyourcomfortzone  #encouragement #stuckinyourrut
Being comfortable can feel so good. But staying in Being comfortable can feel so good. But staying in your comfort zone can hold you back in a lot of ways in life. Stepping out might not feel good in the moment, but it's SO worth it in the end. 
 
What's one thing  you are going to do to step out of your comfort zone this week?  
 
#motivation #inspiration #takeaction #comfortzone

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